Chemically Imbalanced

It hurts.
What? I'm not entirely sure.

I feel as though I am falling. Falling to a slow and agonizing death. A death of the me I previously was. I feel hollow and uncertain of who I am now. I am so sure about others, but I have never taken the time to navigate myself. I feel like I'm a stranger. It's a weird and awful feeling to be in this place I am. This limbo. I have been broken and I don't know how I will go back to normal. I don't even know if normalcy is even going to be possible for me anymore. I am stuck in this rut. I go neither forward nor backwards.

And I am scared. I am scared to be happy. I am scared that I will be alone. I am scared of moving. I am scared of being seen. I am scared of opening up. I am scared of being hurt.

I don't recover easily. And as much as I put it off, I am hypersensitive. I feel things so deeply it hurts. I care too much and I don't know how to function right. I hide my feelings so that I can protect them. And I cry. I'm fragile and fray far too often. I wish I were stronger. I want to have the strength to pick myself back up again, but I am weak. I am beaten down by people that claim to care for me.

But I have some glimmer of hope, still. I have a desire to be whole again. And that is all that matters...