Joni Mitchell

Singing the songs of my heart. Forever and always.

Bon Iver, Bon Iver

I've listened to the newest Bon Iver album going on 10+ times. Heavily mulling over the music and lyrics in an attempt to come to a decisive conclusion on it. It's hard for me to come to that conclusion at all though, because I feel like decisions like these are best made when I'm able to discuss the album with someone else who's also spent a good amount of time with it as well. I do, however, enjoy what is provided in the 10 tracks. Though I feel this album is pretty drastically different from Bon Iver's previous stuff, it's still true to their distinctive sound and feel. I, honestly, did not find a standout track on this album like I was able to find on their previous releases ("Re:Stacks", "Blood Bank". Hard to beat those tracks), which was fairly unfortunate. But, I will say, "Michicant" has resonated somewhere within me. And honestly, I have been going back and forth between "Holocene" and "Wash." and cannot decide which one I like better. Ever changing because I find them both to be so beautiful, in different ways. Lyric-wise, if you don't have the lyrics right in front of you, it's damn near impossible to understand a word that is being sung. But that is something we can all appreciate about Justin Vernon. His music transcends words, in many ways, I think.

Below, I will provide you with a list of the songs in the order in which they rank in my own (highly subjective) opinion.

1. Michicant - I'm a sucker for nostalgia, and this song is so nostalgic, I want to cry. Memories, O sweet memories! The chimes take it home though, chiming their way into a very cold heart.
2. Holocene - I feel as though this is a song that reminds me why I started loving Bon Iver in the first place. With a chorus line that nears perfection, "...and at once I knew I was not magnificent". Singing for all lost souls out there only to bring it back with a sweetly sung "I could see for miles, miles, miles".
3. Wash. - Piano driven ballads are kind of a soft spot of mine. Ones that are reminiscent of Christmas/Wintertime are even more near and dear to me. And that's what this is for me. A return to that old cabin in Wisconsin, Justin. Favorite lyric: "I’m telling darkness from lines on you"
4. Perth - Distorted guitar intro. Marching drum beats. Harmonies echoing in the background. Bright feelings. Most reminiscent of For Emma, Forever Ago.
5. Towers - Probably one of the most upbeat songs I've ever heard from Bon Iver, yet it manages to retain a tinge of sadness. Obviously right up my alley.
6. Calgary - Let it be known, I was undecided on this particular song (being that is was the first thing I heard off of this album). As I've listened more and more to it, I do believe it is very deceiving. After hearing the entire album though, this song makes more sense to me. And I appreciate it. Hell, I enjoy it. A lot.
7. Hinnom, TX - So much 80's pop synths. So much so, that I thought I'd hate it. But the way Vernon sings in that baritone voice (I did that right, yeah? It's a baritone, right?) of his just KILLS me! In the best way possible, I assure you.
8. Beth/Rest - I will not lie, I had the hardest time coming to terms with this song. It's so early 80s, contemporary christian pop to me, I sometimes did not know how to take it. The keys remind me so much of what you'd hear in a church worship team (believe me, I've heard these same keys growing up going to church every Sunday). But the high falsettos, the sax and the smoothness of that guitar manages to sound like, straight up, 80s sex. I think that is why this song confuses me so much, actually. Sex and church are a weird combination. Destroyer, of course, has this smooth 80's thing down though, Regardless of who did what better, I still think this song is ridiculously weird, in a strangely amazing way.
9. Minnesota, WI - The acoustic guitar solo, with the mixture of some banjo. Love that. And the "Never gonna break"'s are fantastic and wonderful. Definitely a great jam, once the second half sets in.
10. Lisbon, OH - This is only last because it's an instrumental track. And, though I have nothing against purely instrumental tracks (some of them can actually be my favorite things on the album) this one is somewhat of a throw-away for me. Which pains me to say.

Cracks in the Ceiling

I am hesitant to type up my feelings. I'm unsure of what they are, at the moment. I'm undergoing a constant stir of emotions. These sentences aren't flowing together, which I can see, but I don't know how else to word it. In fact, the wording closely mirrors my own lack of rhythm and easeful sense of mind.

Sometimes I can see happiness and I crave it. Or at least a sense of contentment. My heart cries for such a feeling of belonging, whether that be a figurative or literal interpretation of the notion. And the truth is, I can put on a decent facade of being blissful in moments. Others scarcely see the anguish in my heart. And it's in those moments that I feel the most misery. Fooling others is not what I want, but I also do not wish to raise concern and be thought of differently. Now, I'm not saying people think I'm a naturally "cheerful" person, but they also do not know the melancholic pangs of my heart. It is not something I want others to see because it is not something I enjoy talking about. Instead, I am thought of as unemotional and detached from human connections. Which is true, in a way, but there is so much more to that.

I think feelings are wasted on people. At least the people I've come in contact with. I think I live in a generation of meanness and conceit, two characteristic traits I've often fell subject to. I've always found the saying "you always hurt the ones you love the most" to ring true in all areas of my life. Normally, in these situations, I chalk it up to an oversensitive flaw in others, in an attempt to make myself feel like less of the culprit and more of the victim. However, I later see how my actions or words were at fault but all too late and to the detriment of a relationship. Being that I am stubborn and hesitant to acknowledge my wrongdoings, I continue life without that person I love. I have never had problems making a fool of myself, I scarcely need the help of others in that matter. But I have also found myself on the receiving end of hurtful words and wounding actions, as we all have. I won't delve into them because we've all been there and I will spare you the long ramblings of my wounded vanity.

And here I am, not exactly seeing what point there was at all to this particular post. I can neither draw it to a logical conclusion either. So I'll just end it here, with my self-absorbed, lonely, and selfish musings. Ugh! I hate myself!

A Sweet Absence

Once again, I find myself amidst an overwhelming shadow of sadness. The reasons are always the same. The results are always unresolved. Yet I seek an outlet to convey my gloominess. I want a solution to the entire thing.

I don't like being alone. Not this kind of alone. I sit in my room as the tears swell in my eyes, clouding my vision and mind with a heaviness. If I could take it all back, I'd take it all. Moments are painful. They are painful because they are fleeting.










Everything breaks my heart. Everything.