I have bones made of glass. As tough as my exterior seems, I am incredibly fragile. Instead of drawing strength from my past follies and misfortunes, I have grown weak and weary from them.
It's strange the way life comes and goes. How when one relationship ends, another begins. That is where I find myself these day. I am caught in new sets of roles. I have never been the best at dating, and so I've always been "the friend." That is a role I have been good at, I understand where my place is in that role. I know how to navigate feelings of others in the friend role. But as of lately, I have found myself falling for someone I did not ever see myself falling for. And I'm vulnerable again. I am insecure with myself. Certain feelings have been established, yet I continue to question the sincerity in them. I know what I want in a relationship, but my main question is whether or not I want that relationship to happen now. We are the same in so many way, in the ways that really matter. But I have this fear of messing things up. I want to get it right this time, I want things to last. Even if we decide that being in a romantic relationship isn't for us, I want us to remain friends. Because he gets me. He understands the way I work and doesn't push me to do or feel things I don't. He's gentle and kind. He balances me and challenges me. And I appreciate the time I have spent with him over the past months, even if nothing more than a friendship is to come of this. The point is, I'm glad to know him. I needed him at this point in my life.
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